America, F**K YEAH!

In this joyous occasion, I would like to serenade you with a patriotic hit. A song that should be played around the world as loud as possible. From every mountain top, in every valley. On every street corner, and of course, every cave along the border of Afghanistan/Pakistan... Or custom built terrorist mansion in Islamabad. Warning, strong language.

America, F*** Yeah (Click the link "Play" at the bottom of the page.)

Helo Inbound

Most people in the service have been part of something significant. Most have a story to tell, whether good or bad. Then there are those that have stories of personal accomplishments and experiences. Lastly, you have those that have stories that tend to be the most entertaining. Unfortunately, the best ones usually do not start or finish with a positive outcome for the storyteller. While not my most infamous deed, I will share a recent happening aboard the USS Bataan.

The last few days have been about researching aid organizations operating in Haiti; where they are, what they are doing exactly for the people, and what supplies they need. This information is passed up to the higher ups for situational awareness and perhaps help designate where to send aid. What it is not meant to be is for me to coordinate with the group and direct supply drops in Haiti.

One organization seemed to interpret my phone call differently. A Catholic relief organization, I spoke with it's head quarters in New York City. After explaining who and where I was, I began asking for information. Their mission was in the decimated city of Jacmel, and their needs were primarily medical related. The city has one damaged hospital, and needed resupply. I asked the woman if she had any more specific information where in Jacmel the mission was. I gave her my email address and she explained she would contact someone in Haiti to forward the info to me.

The next day, while in the middle of trying to contact the UN in NYC, my workspace gets a call. The same organization called, asking for me. Turns out, the mission in Jacmel was standing by for a Navy helo full of the supplies they "requested" and that I "assured them" would come. They supposedly even cleared a landing zone and were waiting since the night before. Thankfully my leadership jumped to clear things up.

I didn't know I, a second class petty officer, wielded such power. I have since then taken charge of the air schedule, and set myself on a mission to the nearest bar. I mean, the smart thing to do would to understand our surroundings and find out whats around us, right? I also took it upon myself to inform the UN that I assumed responsibility to directing all future aid drops. Bataan's water problem will be fixed and Sailor Harry will shower again.

Water Conservation

USS Bataan's CMC puts his guidance into the Plan of the Day after two days of secured showers.

U.S. Causes Earthquake in Haiti

Among the numerous stories from the international press and media, putting the United States' support in relief efforts, (including domestic, far-left liberal dribble), in a negative light, the most comical of them all comes directly from Hugo Chavez's mouth. The Venezuelan "President" has discovered the awful truth behind the destruction of Port-Au-Prince: "U.S. Hit Haiti with 'Earthquake Weapon'"


Yes folks, it's true. I mean, doesn't it make sense that a top secret weapons facility in ALASKA caused a massive Earthquake near the opposite coast of the US? Whats baffling me is how did Chavez get the info? I mean, our military held onto that little gem tighter than fat kid grips a Butterfinger. The only person we told was Elvis, and he was too busy coordinating relief with Ambassador Bat Boy and the Martians.


Obviously our Intel service has a mole. So much intelligence has leaked since this operation started: countries know we're here to occupy Haiti, that we are only allowing our MILITARY planes to land, and even where our vessels are! (We thought our ships' cloaking devices worked and no one would be able to see us through binoculars, even though we're close enough to be seen from shore without them.)


You might have guessed that I'm being sarcastic, (and you might be right.) Chavez was only a little off. The real truth is George Bush is the reason it happened, and we're here for Haiti's oil. Seriously though, I'd like to thank ambassadors Bat Boy's and Elvis's efforts in coordinating with the Martians in sending $100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 in aid.

Sigh....

Don't you loving waiting for something? Anything? I love to wait. Hell, I wait to wait. Going to Kuwait... eventually.

So close, I can taste it. Or maybe thats the burnt trash...

Holy Hell! Almost out of this place and all I have to show for it is a tan and a tee-shirt. OK, maybe a little more and not dissapointed in the least. Nice to be with most of the original team again, and the picture shows that we are all happy to be together and soon on our way home. I will update our progress as we go along and so people don't think this blog was temporary I do plan on sticking with it for a long time. I got orders to Germany and what kind of friend would I be if I kept pictures of Europe from you folks? Be home soon. Enjoy these pictures of me speaking to Sadam. CLICK ME! ME TOO!!

Who's on First?

Just a heads up, this tend to be a bit obscene. If you are against foul language, don't watch. If you do watch, you forgo the right to complain to me about it. Don't like bad language, don't watch. Very funny, to say the least:

How To Get Hot Chicks

Sometimes, when I need help understanding the opposite sex, I turn to Sarah Haskins.

That crazy Kanye

I'm such a Halo nerd....

Yes, I got a custom patch that says ODST* on it.

Yes, I wore it around the whole entire base.

Yes, I got yelled at for it.

Yes, it was worth it and totally awesome!

....

Yes, I'm still single.

*(ODST is the newest game in the Halo video game series. ODST stands for Orbital Drop Shock Troopers.)

Want a patch? LET ME KNOW!

Fw:

Gah! I missed last week due to work, prepping for turnover with incoming Army. This picture represents where I'm at in this deployment: I've ran clean into the proverbial wall. We all have reached that wall in our lives, and simply left in a complete daze, stumbling over our feet and muttering, "But I don't want to go to work mommy. I want to stay home and bake cookies with you." It's like being in a drunk stupor, minus the fun of working to get into one, though depending on how hard you hit said wall, that's not to say the resulting vomit is omitted. It's been known to happen.

Good news is, I'll be in Baghdad in a couple weeks, if only to stay there for a moment. Then it's back to a place I wouldn't leave Hell for. That's right, little ole' Kuwait. Ah yes, this little gem that I detest truly makes you feel unwelcome. Whether it's the dust in your mouth, or the temperature that makes you wish you would simply die. I remember walking off the plane in April, taking a moment to look around, and a tear preceded to roll down from my eye. I detest hot weather and I knew I would be in Iraq during the worst months; July and August. I also knew I would be doing it in 60lbs of body armor and equipment, in long sleeves and pants. Thank goodness we wear shorts and tee shirts when not on mission.

The weather now is actually quiet pleasant, some days similar to Maryland. Chilly at night, and nice breezes during the day. Minus the generous amounts of sand, one could say we are experiencing California weather. One could also say that this Iraqi Partnership thing is going great and not a complete waste of this sailor's time. In that case, please direct me to that said person so they can share their hard booze with me. I can not wait to be in a place where I do not have worry about the locals. Hell, I'll be glad where I don't have to worry more about the local police! I think I'd rather be in Mexico City.

Nice thing though is that I learned we will be doing our, "Are you crazy? Say no so you can't get disability pay when the problems kick in, years from now..." tests in Germany. I took a "quick" psych eval before I left, and they will give it to us again to compare the results. We'll be able to see if I've cracked. I should be good. Lucky the Leprechaun told me so. he also told me to burn things, though I think he was joking.

Speaking of jokes, how 'bout them Redskins? For all those Skins' fans out there, what's it like having Detroit beat you?

Please don't say that...

There's two reasons why I like doing "ten things" lists. You guys love them and it makes it easier on me when I seem to have writer's block and can't figure what to post.

Today we go over some of the things you don't want to hear before going outside the wire.

1. This is my first time!

2. I'm headed home. Been here an entire year with nothing.

3. Intel says they don't expect anything.

4. @*$%! I forgot to call my wife. Remind me when we get back.

5. We should only be gone for a couple hours.

6. I forgot it. Shouldn't need it though.

7. The IPs (Iraqi Police) say they're going to escort us the rest of the way.

8. They call me "Lucky".

9. We have to go through a few SOI (Sons of Iraq) checkpoints along the way.

10. What could go wrong?

I promise to have "real" entry on Wednsday. I swear! My brain... How it hurts soooooooo.

POTD for September 11th, 2009 "Daddy. Where do IED's come from?"

Well Timmy, when a man loves a woman very much, but hates America, a stork makes a magical journey from a mystical land called Iran. Then the stork decides to take a dump on the nearest Humvee it can find.

But that's just a fairy tale, so it isn't true. Right daddy?

You would think seeing something like this would make me mad, but for us Intel nerds, we simply smirk. Go figure. I thought IED components would say something like "Made in Taiwan" or China. I would think they would be smart enough to rub irony in our faces with something American-made. Their lack originality is almost insulting. Try harder Mohamed and Omar.

I'd much rather they learn from our good buddy Ahkmed, and be good, little, DEAD terrorists. At least his sense of humor is funny.

What makes a good deployment?

A friend of mine about to go into the military asked me the other day of what made a good deployment? Is it the action, or the satisfaction of doing one's service? As I was in the middle of some good Halo multiplayer, (and I'll be damned if anyone comes between me and the Master Chief), I told him I would take some time to really think about it and come back with a real answer.

So after saving Earth the umpteenth time, nine headshots, and some trash talk between coworkers, I decided to make out a list of what actually made a good deployment. I came up with 12 things, but people like lists of 10, no more or less, so I figured two could actually fall under others.... so yeah, lucky me.

Now I will go ahead and list them, while explaining in further detail what I'm talking about:

1. Depends where you go.
And also what you deploy on. A deployment to the Persian Gulf on a ship is different than being on a FOB in Iraq. Trust me, I've done both, and I own both t-shirts. Some people prefer ships, but most prefer doing it on land. Ship board life is very different than most are used to, but the same could be same about FOB life. Your environment plays a part too. Would you rather be rocking back and forth on the water, or using 20 q-tips to get sand out of one ear? Keeping in mind of your environment, it also depends on when you go. Summer in Iraq is exactly what you think it is, except warmer. (No seriously, it gets that warm her. Fine, be like that. I'm telling you, take that number you're thinking of, and add ten degrees. Yes, I know you're thinking in Celsius.) In the winter, it rains and actually snows. So while you may detest the heat, several people hate the muck and mud winter brings.

2. Depends on your job.
This may seem obvious, but I wasn't the one who asked the question! Anyway, for my friend, do you think you would enjoy your deployment if your job, simply put, sucked? Hell no! Unfortunately, most of us don't have that "recruitment tool"-type job, jumping out of planes, reconing enemy positions, sneaking onto beaches when clouds block out the moon and only leave our prints in the sand... Most of us think... Thought we had a cool job. Get pay and benefits and free* health care? And ALL I have to do is drive trucks for the Army? My heart goes out to the special individuals who signed up in the Navy as boatswain mates when the recruiter asked them if they liked to paint, convincing them that they could be "Naval Artists"...

3. It depends on who you work with.
People make the final determination whether a job is "good" or not. If you can't stand the people you have to deal with because you must spend time with them, then what will make you want to get out of your rack every morning? I mean, even if my co-workers were hot, Swedish bikini models that majored in college as full-body masseuses, I still wouldn't be as satisfied as if they were my peers AND I could come into work at 11.

4. It depends on who you work FOR.
I could have done the simple thing and combined 3 and 4, but #4 is extremely important. I'm not listing these in order, the most important first and so-on. It's important and makes a job more enjoyable if your boss, or in this case, NCO is what an NCO is supposed to be. An NCO is not supposed to be my friend or pal, but someone who will lead me in getting the job done, and take care of me if I need help or some other NCO screws with me. It wouldn't hurt if my NCO wasn't a jerk, though.

5. Depends on how long the deployment is.
Simple question: Would you rather leave and come home in six months or a year? OK.

6. Depends on what you bring.
Their are a few items I will consider bringing with me for my next deployment. That said, do not interpret this bullet as me suggesting their is a huge checklist of what to bring. What I'm telling you is = LESS IS MORE. There are a few special people that feel they will never see their families again or a place to purchase items. No SPC Timmy, you don't have to bring 30 tubes of tooth paste. You don't have to bring enough crap to get you through the whole year. There's a place called a PX. I would consider one to bring a laptop, especially if they have access to Internet. If not, a portable DVD player and a deck of cards.

7. Depends on the people back home.
You went the whole deployment without on package or letter? Does your family hate you, or are you an unfortunate orphan? Keeping in touch with home is key to survival on deployment. This is mainly the responsibility of the family back home. Spouses and girl/boy friends need to quickly realize that the significant other can't exactly whisk themselves back home to deal with issues any given day. That also includes births, holidays, and emergencies. It's important to sort out bills and set up plans before the feces hit the fan. Oh and if you plan to break up with your partner, do it when we come home. Please!

8. Depends on work load/schedule.
Dear mom and dad. I haven't slept for three days. Kill me.
For those not lucky enough to be in the Air Force... (Har har).... For those of us on a deployment, we are taught to combat two types of enemies: Complacency and boredom. They taught me about a third one, but I wasn't exactly paying attention. Something about insurgents... Or heat related injuries.... Or stupidity. I don't know, I was busy fighting boredom.
Stress can kill and if one is feeling stressed, (and they have a decent chain of command), they can seek help from a chaplain. Finding stuff to kill time is key to making deployment seem like a bad remake of groundhogs day. Except you're not Bill Murray, this isn't Stripes, and you don't have a butt-load of cash.

9. Depends on what you accomplish.
This kind of deals with #8, but I'll do it separate because I can. Some people like deployments for the extra money to pay off mysterious things called "bills". What I can't figure out are the people in the military paying off student loans that aren't Officers. Whether it's financial or personal goals, they can be achieved. Saving money or loosing pounds and gaining muscle in the gym. Some will use it to help achieve rank, or even finish off school.

10. Depends on what happens.
All jokes aside, deployments are rarely uneventful. Something will happen that can determine the outcome of your deployment. Whether you screw up or someone screws up, or that special someone miraculously didn't screw up... Death of a shipmate/battle buddy can affect a deployment.

11. Depends on your attitude.
11, so sue me. If you go into a deployment hating life and feeling like you've been wrongly accused of some crime, with no bail, and you found out your parents planned this to happen long before you could even walk... Then deployment will either surprise or not disappoint. If you go into deployment hoping to do your best, then you will either have an immense satisfied feeling, or you will disappointed, hate life feeling like you've been wrongly....

Why I respect EOD so damn much....

I've spent quite a bit of time working with EOD, learning what they do, how they do it, and what keeps them coming back for more. Not so much the Hollywood action heroes, fighting the desert heat while racing against time choosing between the red or blue wire, though I'm sure in that situation, they would do just fine. What I discovered was a tight-knit community that enjoys a good laugh, a hard days work, sweet explosions, and an ice cold brew. I went ahead and listed the ten reasons why I think they kick ass and take names.

1. EOD is family.
Every community and rate in the Navy will want to establish themselves that not only distinguishes them from the rest, but something of pride that brings it's members close and together. Most examples do not compare with what I experienced working with them. EOD is a very tight-knit community where pretty much everyone knows everyone.

2. One of the best jobs, period.
The military pays them to literally blow stuff up. Enough said.

3. Each has a story.
Long or short, each tech can have you balling from laughter, or tense and serious. Some of the stuff they do or did is unbelievable, but for them, it's another day's pay.

4. One of the most rewarding jobs in the military.
Not only from the extra pays and benefits, but the other side too. Before I cam here, I sat behind a desk. I won't deny that I was helping keep the fleet and maybe my country safe, but out here, I KNOW I am.

5. Money, money, money.
An extra thousand every month? Sign me up. With all the extra training and the job that they do, the Navy makes sure to pay them appropriately.

6. Respect.
Word. Pretty much everyone in the military has the basic idea of what a tech does. The have an idea and it's enough to respect EOD and what they do. When EOD shows up on scene, they take charge, and everyone listens.

7. Wild and crazy guys.
You kind of need to be to do this sort of work. This sort of goes along with #3, but also the fact that they're a bunch of the coolest folks to hang out with. They enjoy a good party and BBQ and are always up for a beer. Though, be careful; they come up with the most ingenious pranks I've ever heard and are always ready to return the "favor", better/worse.

8. Subject matter experts.
For an EOD tech to earn his Crab, he needs to know his job. No one questions his judgement and no one should.

9. Location, location, location.
EOD gets stationed everywhere. Where there's military or US citizens/assests, there's EOD. My chief told me about a time he worked for Secret Service in Egypt. And I thought my rate got the cool places.

10. Rock stars.
They simply are.

If it seems like I was kissing EOD's bum, know this: They earned it.

POTD for August 7th, 2009 "Frag Crab"

POTD - Pic of the Day - Sailor Harry tries to provide his loving public a glimpse at the what he sees in the Sandbox, almost every day.

Just a glimpse at what EODC is cooking up at the office. Here's a picture of what he's recreating. I hope to have a picture of the end result. He's using left over frag from previous missions and what was laying around the TOC.

Not much has happened but I'll be headed back to Brass in a couple days. Chief wants me to assist the new team down there, as well as maybe put me back to work, haha.

I did, however, accomplish a little bonding with a couple of the techs here by helping pull off a prank. Recently, my family was kind to send me a luau themed care package, complete with kiddy pool to cool off in. Sitting in the office, someone mentioned wanting a pool. Next thing I know, I am inflating the kiddie pool in the OIC's room, being watched by two snickering EOD techs. Once blown up, we filled it appropriately. Enjoy here and here.

Lastly, please pity me and my meager 32" LCD TV. Life is hard, can you tell?

Homecoming Checklist (UNCLASSIFIED)

Checklist for when I get back

1. "Mission Accomplished" Beer

2. Homecoming party/BBQ

3. Kiss pretty girl

4. Full-body massage

5. Near-Coma sleep fest

6. Xbox Live marathon

7. Visit friend in Pennsylvania

8. Visit Uncle Bob and Aunt Frankie in Seattle

9. Visit Grandma Jo in Oregon

10. Brag about how much money was saved on deployment

11. Somehow spend it all on women and booze

12. Immediately regret spending money

13. Cry inside

14. Demand free food and drink at any restaurant I go to while using "Iraq" excuse

16. Act fidgety, twitch eye, repeatedly mutter "Post traumatic disorder", whenever free food is not provided

17. Get kicked out of an establishment

18. Apologize to family, especially mother

19. Dread returning to Norfolk

20. Have mom make biscuits and gravy

I have a plan and I intend to follow it. That is all.

Pre-Call Checklist

Three calls in a 24-hour period runs you ragged, believe me.

Before every call, I make sure I do these following steps:

1. Roger up on the radio.

2. Ensure uniform is sat.

3. Make sure I have camera and memory card.

4. Grab body armor and WIT backpack, and get into EOD vehicle.

5. Put on body armor, helmet, and gloves

6. Load magazine into 9mm Beretta pistol.

7. Listen to debrief.

8. Rock out to "For those About to Rock, We Salute You" by ACDC.

9. Pretend I'm the star of CBS's new hit drama: CSI: Baghdad, put on tinted eye pro, and say cheesy line.