Among the numerous stories from the international press and media, putting the United States' support in relief efforts, (including domestic, far-left liberal dribble), in a negative light, the most comical of them all comes directly from Hugo Chavez's mouth. The Venezuelan "President" has discovered the awful truth behind the destruction of Port-Au-Prince: "U.S. Hit Haiti with 'Earthquake Weapon'"
Yes folks, it's true. I mean, doesn't it make sense that a top secret weapons facility in ALASKA caused a massive Earthquake near the opposite coast of the US? Whats baffling me is how did Chavez get the info? I mean, our military held onto that little gem tighter than fat kid grips a Butterfinger. The only person we told was Elvis, and he was too busy coordinating relief with Ambassador Bat Boy and the Martians.
Obviously our Intel service has a mole. So much intelligence has leaked since this operation started: countries know we're here to occupy Haiti, that we are only allowing our MILITARY planes to land, and even where our vessels are! (We thought our ships' cloaking devices worked and no one would be able to see us through binoculars, even though we're close enough to be seen from shore without them.)
You might have guessed that I'm being sarcastic, (and you might be right.) Chavez was only a little off. The real truth is George Bush is the reason it happened, and we're here for Haiti's oil. Seriously though, I'd like to thank ambassadors Bat Boy's and Elvis's efforts in coordinating with the Martians in sending $100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 in aid.
Yes folks, it's true. I mean, doesn't it make sense that a top secret weapons facility in ALASKA caused a massive Earthquake near the opposite coast of the US? Whats baffling me is how did Chavez get the info? I mean, our military held onto that little gem tighter than fat kid grips a Butterfinger. The only person we told was Elvis, and he was too busy coordinating relief with Ambassador Bat Boy and the Martians.Obviously our Intel service has a mole. So much intelligence has leaked since this operation started: countries know we're here to occupy Haiti, that we are only allowing our MILITARY planes to land, and even where our vessels are! (We thought our ships' cloaking devices worked and no one would be able to see us through binoculars, even though we're close enough to be seen from shore without them.)
You might have guessed that I'm being sarcastic, (and you might be right.) Chavez was only a little off. The real truth is George Bush is the reason it happened, and we're here for Haiti's oil. Seriously though, I'd like to thank ambassadors Bat Boy's and Elvis's efforts in coordinating with the Martians in sending $100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 in aid. 
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